Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
