I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
