I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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