I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize