Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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