know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
