Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
