Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
