doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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