DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
