im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
