i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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