He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
