We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
