If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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