Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
