I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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