You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
