just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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