I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
