Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
