you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
