I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
