i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
