you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
