Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
