She is in my trunk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
