What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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