I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
