I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
