I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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