I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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