I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
