Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i think i just lost a toe
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
