Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
