Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
