I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
