dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
