Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
