Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
