woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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