Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
