I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
