I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
