Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
