i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
why is half of my head shaved?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
