If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
