Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
