i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
