She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
