If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
