hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
