Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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