The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
