Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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