I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
