We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
