i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
