I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
