I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
