just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
barbara walters just said penis...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
