Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am one with the molecules
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
