Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
