Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
