Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
