How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
