There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
