I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
